Ever have one of those days? The ones where you feel like you have failed in everything? The one where you think you might be okay and then something happens and you come crashing down? You feel like you have taken about 5,000 steps back with one misstep? You have? Me too.
I had something come up recently that hit me hard. It was one of those things you don’t want to hear and wish that you could go back in time and correct it. If somehow I could make it go away like it never happened, I would just take total control and avoid it at all costs.
The problem is, once something happens, you can’t change it. There is no time machine to take you back before the issue began. You might even not know where it all started and just mess everything else up by trying to fix something else. (Ever see Back to the Future? This is clearly displayed in that movie.) Unfortunately, once something has happened you cannot look at the what ifs, the should haves, the if onlys and make a different outcome. No matter how much you wish for it, you cannot change the past. What you can do is choose to move past it.
I get you, it is hard to move past some things. It isn’t as easy as thinking about the future and forgetting the past. Sometimes the past is pounding on the door and it is really hard to ignore it. No matter how much you ignore it, it doesn’t go away. What happened has happened, the end. However, making a conscious effort to choose to move forward is still what is needed to heal. Obstacles and hardships happen to everyone. Some have way more issues than others, but we all do have them in some form. Sometimes the obstacle are well hidden, but they are there. Maybe everything seems good and perfect from the outside, but if you could take a peek in, you might be surprised by what you find.
You are NOT alone in any of this. There are many things I could do in a situation like I am dealing with today, but there are only a few right steps to take. Though there are many steps to take, but the one I want to focus on today is to get out of the blame game!
My gut reaction, and I am guessing it is yours too, is to blame yourself or someone else. You make the situation all about you in some way. Sometimes it is something we have personally done and we need to own up to what happened and rectify the situation, and sometimes it really is someone else’s issue. When it is something you have done, as I said, you need to own up and do what is right, but when it is not in your power or control, you need to look at it differently.
Even though I have spent countless hours listening to personal development books and podcasts, leaned into my mentors, and studied the scriptures, sometimes I still fall into the same old bad self talk. I want to put myself down and think of all of the what ifs I can to somehow make it go away. Even though my current situation does involve me somewhat, it is not because of something I did wrong. This situation affects me, but it is not because of me. When people make decisions, those decisions are done by them and them alone. Yes, there may be influences along the way, but no blame should be shifted on anyone else but themselves. They still chose to do whatever they did. Right or wrong, it is in their hands.
Now, I am not saying to not have compassion or to help them walk through the journey they need to for restoration and forgiveness, but get yourself out of the way and let it be time for the to do the steps to correct or heal. When we make things all about us, we are missing out on the restoration and growth. We make excuses for others and find it hard to let things go.
So, how do we shift our mindset? What do you do in order to step away from the blame game? How do we choose joy through it all? In James 1:2-8 The Message paraphrase says:
2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
I love how this passage says to pray, and pray when you don’t know what you are doing. There is no judgement, just talk to God and ask Him to lead you though it, Let’s make a move and look to God as our first step when facing the tough stuff. I am not saying it will all be wonderful once you call on Him, but it will ease the burden and allow you to rest on Him and not on your own power.
God LOVES you, just as you are. You don’t have to be a certain way, act out a specific performance, doing everything perfect, but be you. Be raw, authentic, real and look to Him for your guidance and allow His amazing love wrap around you and carry you through whatever comes your way. In Him, you will find the peace to walk through whatever news you hear. His arms are open wide, you just have to fall deep into them.